


Faking It

by Anonymous



Series: The Dream Team DID System [12]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Clay | Dream has DID- Dissociative Identity Disorder, Clay | Dream has PTSD- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Gen, GeorgeNotFound is a Good Friend, Invalidation, Past Relationship(s), Self-Doubt, past abusive relationships, sapnap is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29502057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dream's been diagnosed with DID for a fair while now. But when an abusive ex's Instagram photo pops up on his feed, he starts to question the validity of his diagnosis.-Or: The Dream Team is a DID system and the co-host, Dream, questions if that's actually true.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap
Series: The Dream Team DID System [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078016
Comments: 19
Kudos: 270
Collections: Anonymous





	Faking It

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warnings: mentions of an abusive ex, mentions of trauma/trauma responses, past invalidation of DID diagnosis, current internal invalidation of DID diagnosis, frustration, dissociation
> 
> This fic deals with question the validity of one's own DID diagnosis. This can be heavily triggering topic, so read at your own discretion and stay safe.

Dream rubs at his eyes, head sinking into his hands. His head pounds and he feels awful.

Something encroaches inward and he does his best to shove it away harshly as he holds tightly to his own mind.

He doesn't feel in control of his body, he feels shifting and unaware, like part of him is here and the other a million miles away.

But that doesn't make sense. Because he is here. And he is real.

He's the only one here and he needs to stop.

He needs to stop making this shit up, playing into this game, acting like he's anything other than what the body- his body, not the body- was fucking born with.

He takes Tylenol for the headache and ignores the fact that medicine has never worked before on headaches like these.

The doubt had started with his Instagram feed, because really, what gets you to doubt yourself more than going on social media?

He had unfollowed her over a year ago, but somehow her most recent post had popped up on his feed. Dream had checked and confirmed he had unfollowed her. After that confirmation, he had reloaded the page and the image was gone.

It must have been some weird glitch or something. Dream doesn't know.

All he knows is that he saw her latest picture and he knows she's wrong, that she was abusive, that she didn't listen, that she didn't understand, that his experiences and the system are all valid.

But…

Well but.

What if he's faking it, lying to himself?

He- maybe he really is Clay and he's confused.

It's possible.

Sure he has a diagnosis but it's possible that he got so good at faking it, was convincing enough that he tricked even the doctors. Maybe he was so good at faking it that he tricked the numerous waves of medical professionals he's seen for years.

It's possible.

It's possible that his ex who knew nothing about DID was able to tell he was faking his diagnosis when Dream had always known something was off and he had a whole team of professionals backing him.

It's possible.

Dream needs to fucking grow up. What kind of name is ‘Dream’ anyways? What was he thinking? Clay's a fine name. The name 'Dream' can really be better described as an extravagant nickname for a kid who wanted too much attention.

"Dream? Still with me?"

"Huh?" he asks, finally pulling his hands away from his eyes. He glances at his phone, a visual reminder that he's in a call with Sapnap and George.

"Why do you call me that?" Dream asks.

"Oh, sorry," Sapnap says, "didn't realize you had switched out. Who's this?"

"Dream," he replies.

"Okay it is you?" Sapnap mumbles back and Dream can almost see the way his eyebrows knit together in confusion. Half of him wants to call Sapnap out on it and then force him to turn on his facecam to prove it. The other half of him doesn't have the energy and could care less.

"We call you Dream because it's your name?" George offers. His voice is slow and careful. Dream hates how he talks, how he has to walk on his toes, like he's scared he'll upset Dream with one simple sentence.

"But why?" Dream begs desperately, "why appease me. I mean- I'm supposed to be- I mean I am Clay. I'm Clay."

There's silence across both ends for a minute and Dream sits there, waiting for a response he's not sure he's going to get. Maybe they've got given up on his drama. He wouldn't blame the two of them. He’s a lot to deal with.

"Uh… what, I'm confused," Sapnap admits.

"Me too," George agrees.

Dream groans.

"Like… I could be faking it, right? So why don't… maybe I am Clay and only Clay and this whole thing is fake."

"Dream…"

"What's bringing this up?" George prompts. Finally, somebody who's finally willing to consider it and discuss.

"Well I was on Instagram," he begins. He's immediately cut off by Sapnap’s loud groans and a squawk from George.

"Dream," George speaks up, "I thought you unfollowed her months ago. You promised you had."

"No I did, I did," he assures, "But maybe…"

"Dream," Sapnap cuts in, "You have DID."

The words cut into him and in all honesty, that's exactly what he needed to hear.

But it's still possible...

"Okay but," Dream starts, throwing on a smile and attempting to go for goofy rather than insecure, "hear me out… what if we- uh I- don't actually have DID."

"Foolproof evidence," Sapnap says, sarcasm laid on thick. And come on, fuck him, how’s Dream supposed to refute that?

"Dream what did we film the other day?" George asks.

Dream thinks. They had three current plans for filming, all whenever they could. It had to be one of those and sure he doesn't remember but he has to remember because it had to be one of those three.

He can check their- his notebook. He would have written it down surely.

"Clay filmed a block shuffle video with us the other day," George says.

"I knew that," Dream bites. He puffs up a bit defensively, feeling called out, "it was either that or the death swap."

"But you don't remember," George points out.

"I mean yeah, but-"

"Because Clay was fronting."

"George I-"

"Dude look at your notebook, look at the handwriting," Sapnap points out, "look at Luc's drawings versus Raven’s. Listen to us when we say that we definitely did not film with you yesterday, but with Clay."

"I know," Dream says, "I know, but…"

Dream throws his head back into his hands again.

"But what if-"

"Dream she was wrong. You know that."

And that’s the final sentence that happens to be the tipping point. All the doubt that’s been crashing down, spills over and explodes.

He has DID, he does.

Dream groans.

"God why are are the two of you so supportively annoying," he complains. Something small jumps on his lap and he startles for a minute before realizing it's Patches. He begins petting her with long soothing strokes.

"You love us," Sapnap teases.

Dream grumbles in response, causing them both to laugh.

"Thanks," he says eventually, "for putting up with my bullshit."

"We don't ‘put up with you,’" George reminds, "We enjoy spending time with you, and the rest of the system who are very real by the way."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Dream agrees to both points. He doesn't know why this still happens, when he starts to question his entire reality even after years of certainty.

It's probably the trauma.

Yeah no, it's definitely the trauma. Trauma responses, trauma patterns sucks. More often than not, Dream hates his brain, hates how it's hardwired to respond in ways he doesn't want it to.

It's incredibly frustrating and even after years of working on it, he sometimes still feels like he's gotten nowhere.

But he has. He has gotten somewhere. He's gotten somewhere with great and supportive people and an entire system who (mostly) have his back.

Because he does have DID, he is part of a system, and no amount of invalidation can change his diagnosis.

**Author's Note:**

> Invalidation is such a huge part of being mentally ill/disabled and it's so nice when you have supportive friends to validate you when you're struggling to do that yourself.


End file.
